The Successful Alternative to Flattery

Updated: Feb 11, 2020

As you start reading this, you're going to be asking yourself what in the world this has to do with your gig on Fiverr. Trust me, there's a connection. Read on!

Here's a non-earth-shattering notion that has just emerged to the surface for me. I'm finding it helpful, and hopefully will be to someone else as well:

"Compliments are ok."

See? Not earth shattering. But stick with me on this, and I'll set it up a little.

We've all known people who weaponize flattery, and we can sometimes sense it. It sets our spidey sense tingling. and makes us suspicious about the motivation behind their compliments and praise. When we catch on to it, it has the opposite effect to the one they intended. Rather than winning us over, it can be kind of repellent. It lowers our opinion of the them. It's also a letdown, because if they didn't really mean it, maybe we don't even have the qualities they were complimenting us about.

Sometimes their strategy works for them, and as the old saying goes, flattery gets them "everywhere." At other times, it's just a turnoff. But even when they succeed, we have to ask ourselves, it's at what price to their own hearts and souls, right? Ugly business.

That said...

There's another whole side to this thing which can be beautiful. It's the alternative to flattery. It's genuine kindness and praise. Rather than being motivated by self interest, our words are motivated by we put aside our self-centered desire for gain and look for the merits in people, and build them up by expressing our true feelings about their good qualities.

It seems to me that people may be less secure, and more in need of real encouragement now, than ever. And that encouragement needs to come more directly, and in less superficial ways, than Facebook likes and smiley faces. When I genuinely compliment people on their good qualities, I notice genuine gratitude in return. When I invest those extra few minutes in my correspondence with those I work for, and with, and think first about them and their feelings and needs rather than my own, they light up with appreciation. The respond positively, because I've demonstrated to them that they are people of value, people that matter, people with merit. Suddenly we're looking at others with "with God's eyes," seeing their true value as human beings.

What's the result?

We're there! If you want to stand out from the crowd, don't be like the vast vast vast vast majority of Fiverr sellers, Think of each new buyer as a person, not an order. Sslow down, and consider them. Consider their needs, and respond to them. Engage with them, learn more about them. Ask them questions about themselves and their business. , we gain (and merit) that person's confidence, and open up the possibility of a long and satisfying business relationship with them.